Poutine on the Ritz

Original Episode: Beefsquatch (S2 E9, previously reviewed, see: Onion Tended Consequences)

Episode for Today: The Frond Files (S4 E12)

Favorite Moment: Gene's song about farts.

Favorite Quote:

Written by Tina for a school project: "It wasn't easy dating 15 zombies at once... oh wait, yes it was. Soon I couldn't tell where I ended, and the zombies began. Butts, butts, I love butts."

There are 5 burgers from the Beefsquatch episode. So if I have already covered the episode then I will choose a new one.

For this burger I chose to talk about the episode "The Frond Files"

From season 4 on... at least once a season, there will be an episode where the children write a story, perform a play, or make up alternitive histories for their family. These episodes are a window into each of the Belcher kids personalities, and they are full of pop culture references. "The Frond Files" was the first episode to do this.

Bob and Linda go to an after school event where all of the children's projects are on display, but they cannot find anything by their kids, so they corner Mr. Frond.

Mr. Frond will not display any of them because he is portrayed as a villain in all of the stories.

Louise's story follows her as she is being hunted down by a robot version of Mr. Frond. After humiliating the guidance counselor with the "Brownie Chair Surprise," future Frond builds a robot of himself to go back to present day and destroy Louise Belcher.

Her story has visual references to Terminator and Jurassic Park, as well as a moment were several robot Fronds' are dressed as other characters from the show.

Gene's story takes place in Fart School for the Gifted, where an evil headmaster Frond confiscates Gene's keyboard. The Belcher students break into the office and release the keyboard along with a song about the liberty of farting... with a fart so powerful it blows the roof of the school.

Last, and certainly not least, Tina writes about being the hall monitor. Jock itch strikes the school turning the basketball team into zombies.

After being hunted down by the jock itch/zombie team, the students try to get help from Mr. Frond, but he locks them out of the staff lounge to abandon them to their fate. Tina takes matters into her own hands when she realizes that her hair toss has seduced the zombie teens.

On to the burger:

Poutine, for those who do not know, comes from the French part of Canada. According to legend, a customer asked for french fries with gravy and cheese curds, to which the chef replied: "Ça va faire une maudite poutine." (That's going to make a horrible mess.)

Poutine was added as word to Webster's Dictionary in 2014... and after much heated (okay... but not really... because it's Canada) debate poutine became the official food of Canada.

I had only tried poutine one other time in my life... and I did not care for it. It has all the right elements. French Fries. Gravy. Cheese Curds. I love them all... just maybe not together.

So when I read the recipe, I said to myself, "Aye, why dontcha give this another try?"

I made my fries... and burnt my hand for the first time (sore topic) and set to work making the gravy. I have never made a gravy outside of a can before. So for the next several pictures I will describe my mounting panic as I made the gravy.

Okay melt some butter... no big deal. Done it a million times.

Now add in flour and whisk. Is it supposed to look like that!? Is it supposed to be so thick?! I better add the beef broth before it burns...

Great. Now it's just beef broth with pepper floating in it. So, I made my wife abandon our children to help me. And she showed me that all I had to do was whisk it for a while and it would get thick.

I don't understand science.

Next up, I crumbled up the cheese curds into smaller curds. Why? Because big-ass curds take longer to melt. It was difficult to balance them on the burgers as they were cooking... many of them rolled over the side in one giant crispy burnt curd.

I didn't have any tinfoil at home... so I stood holding a pan over the top of the burgers to redirect some of the heat back on to the curds... and I think they turned out pretty great.

The burgers are finished off with a crumble of Ritz crackers. I think only because it fits with the title...

The fries are tossed in a heavy pile of spices: pepper,cayenne, paprika, and salt, before being covered in gravy and cheese curds.

So did I like the poutine? Yes... and no. There was so much seasoning on the fries... and I only used a third of what was recommended. I might not like paprika. Or maybe it was because the fries were so heavily coated with spice that they tasted dry and dusty? Had they been normal salted fries I think I would have enjoyed the poutine more. The burger was damn good. But put gravy and cheese curds on something it had better be freakin' delicious.